the year that was

of course it was, right? but i think i am calling 2004 the year that was mostly because 2003 was the year that wasn't. well, at least it was the year that i wish had not been, although honestly it ended up feeling like it didn't happen. with R's depression and subsequent suicide and the numbness that followed for me, i can only remember bits and pieces of 2003. last week my landlord asked me how long it had been since R's death and i at first thought it was just this summer. but it wasn't. it was June, 2003.
2004 started with me getting pieces in 3 different shows and ended with me in another show. the first 3 were juried exhibitions, the last one an invitational. None of them were strictly photography. 2004 was the year i started knitting again, almost 8 years after picking up the basics from my roommate when i lived in germany. 2004 was real for me. it had its ups and downs, but it is ending on a note of me feeling alive and, even more fantastic, me wanting to be alive and so it was definitely the year that was.