the dregs

i don't know if it is the whole work issue, or the remodelling issue, or the dryer, or the tub, or the dishwasher... but i feel like the dregs in the coffee pot that's been on for 3 days. I am tired and uninspired.

And yet, the work thing has worked itself out, and not at all as i thought it would. On the eve of my accepting another job, my boss gave notice. The night before i knew for certain, i suspected and was panicked. I feared, due to some things that had been said in my interview, that he might be going to the same place as i was. It was this fear that kept me from signing while trying to find out the facts. But he went someplace else (well, actually will be going someplace else) and i talked to the dean about the role of web and database development in the College and am staying. What have i learned from him over the past 4 years? Mainly that when someone repeatedly tells you that you are a bad person, there is a chance they may be wrong. I let him convince me for almost 4 years, but i finally realized that the only thing wrong was his expecting me to always agree with him. Having my own opinion does not make me a bad person.

Now we are in the process of restructuring, getting rid of all the things my boss took on just because he didn't want anyone else to do them. Of course, he never got around to doing many of them at all as a result, but hey, at least he was in control. The restructure is both exciting and daunting. I think we can do great things. But i am exhausted.

The office / darkroom remodel, with its many floor-levelings, is almost to the point where we get to add cabinets. The walls are painted, the flooring is in, i've started painting baseboard and door frame and soon will paint the window frames and door. It will be so cool! But i am exhausted.

The tub and dishwasher are unclogged, the dryer unfixed. After three weeks, and multiple replacement parts, we decided to call a pro. If my clothes rack held more than half a load of laundry, i wouldn't care so much. But it doesn't, and i am exhausted.

I have knit, and yet am unmotivated and unfocused to knit. I want to shoot, but all my daylight hours are taken. Once we get the office done and i can put things away, i know i'll have room to do some still-lifes indoors, but for now i am just exhausted.

What i really want is some MAGIC. Yes, the kind that comes in all upper-case letters. The kind that makes me want get out there and DO things. The kind you have to make yourself ;)